Consider expulsion is:
a process to end a relationship that is not working for the house and most likely not for the person considered for expulsion
based on the person's behavior, not what he/she is.
person considered for expulsion remains as human as everyone else, has feelings and needs
This is a big deal, not to be taken lightly.
This is a big deal, not to be taken lightly.
I believe having a clear expulsion policy before a crises erupts is critical. The policy provides a guideline for everyone to follow during the emotional hurricane of expulsion. Just do the best you can to have compassion for all, while making difficulty decisions.
Once the crises hits, very likely, it is too late to create guidelines for everyone to follow. There is to much emotional upset.
Sections:
--- Probation
--- 4 general reasons for expulsion
--- Suggested questions to ask before probation or expulsion
--- Exit agreement (optional)
--- If No Exit agreement is reached
--- EXAMPLES of proposals
--- An expulsion process
*** Probation:
This is a warning. It is best to state as clearly as possible what needs to happen to prevent Expulsion.
Sometimes this can be helpful, especially if person agrees he/she/they acted inappropriately and wants to make amends. Plus, the house is being clear that if nothing changes, we go to Expulsion.
Other times, probation is not helpful. Especially if a person is not willing to cooperate and is only blaming others and or sees things radically differently.
*** 4 General reasons for expulsion page, followed by comments
four general reason for expulsion (inspired by Ganas intentional community four rules)
--- breaking federal, state, local law on property
--- violence against property and or person(s)
--- interrupting life of house consistently and unwilling to address people’s concerns
--- not doing minimum contribution, either not paying/working for expenses and or not doing chores
1) breaking federal, state, local law on property
The community is part of the larger community and not above the law. There are real legal consequences that can limit or end the community. And, may create legal consequences for particular members who are in official legal positions, such as those on board of directors.
2) violence against property and or person(s)
This is about maintaining the physical property to keep house livable and people’s physical safety.
Verbal Violence. I see two approaches. One is to define what verbal violence is. Another is treat the situation as “interrupting life of house”
3) interrupting life of house consistently and unwilling to address people’s concerns
The way a person speaks/behaves affects everyone in the house. When there is shared bathroom, hallways, kitchen, dining room, etc, the house mates daily living is more interconnected than if everyone had their own apartment. By interconnected, I mean more impactful on each other.
This is a challenging area. There is no clear, obvious rules to follow. What one group of people find tolerable, another group of people may find intolerable.
One group may really enjoy “loud” music until 2:00am a few nights a week. It doesn’t stop people from getting the sleep they want/need and they get to have fun together. Another group could find that intolerable. Even if they like the music and fun, it keeps them from sleeping. They need to have quiet after 10:00pm, so people can get enough sleep and wake up at the time they want/need to.
So, who is right and wrong? In my view, both are right and wrong. The helpful question for me is what is the group willing and not willing to live with.
The more clearly the house can define what they are and are not willing to live with will help answer this question. When is x behavior/words a difficulty to work out or live with ? When is x behavior/words intolerable for sharing house/food ?
Also, I believe getting clarity on how many people are impacted and to what degree is critical. Sometimes, the answer is for the individual to leave. What the individual wants and everyone else in the house wants around sharing house/food is not compatible, separating is the best solution.
I believe it is impossible for one group to work for everyone in society. When a house says they want diversity, having clarity around what that means and what that looks like is critical. It is possible that two people want the same diversity, while having in-compatible ways of going about that.
4) Not doing minimum contribution, Chores:
The more clarity around what is expected and how that is measured, the easier this will be able to handle.
This is something to address but not usually a crises to be resolved in a week. This may taking a few months to work out. It could end with the person leaving.
If this is ignored, this can be dangerous for the long term stability and survival of the house. Others may follow and a culture of not doing chores or contributing easily develop.
If someone doesn’t follow thru. This is not a crises by itself. A new agreement can be made to adjust to changing conditions.
If this is a room rental situation, consider not renewing the lease, instead of eviction. This is where local renting laws come into play.
4) Not doing minimum contribution, not paying rent/dues
Before the member, moved in, he/she agreed to pay x per month. This is about breaking an agreement. This is about behavior.
It is not about greed or being money focused.
When a person chooses to stop paying, sometimes people say we are not about money. But the electric and water bill and taxes and food costs stay the same. So, who is paying for those expense ? Did those people agree to pay x person’s share of costs ? Does X person care if the other people want to or don’t want to pay his/her/their share of the costs ?
Having a payment plan option is way to compassionately handle this. Person X says I can’t pay and creates a plan with the house. This way everyone is working together. We all have financial difficulties at times. If the house and person can’t agree, then an exit is the next step. If the house doesn’t have the savings to cover temporary loss of income, then an exit plan might be the next step.
*** Suggested questions to ask before probation or expulsion:
The purpose is for everyone to have a chance to say how he/she/they see things. This is not for debating what is true or real. I believe that everyone hearing each person’s experience will help the group decide how to move forward.
I don't know every situation a house will encounter. Check in with yourself. If this is not helpful, don't use it.
This could be done over multiple meetings with different people in the room each time. Or, this could done in a meeting(s) with everyone.
--- Questions for person(s) bringing up proposal
What is the observation / behavior ? (this is to be clear on what the behavior is) After person does initial talk, others may ask clarifying questions about observation / behavior
How are you impacted by this ? What actions have you taken to deal with this ?
How has talking with the person/group you are upset with gone ? Or On a scale of 1 – 10 (1 is not heard, 10 is really heard) how have you experienced being heard by that person or group ?
--- Questions for person considered for expulsion
This is not a time for debating, arguing. This is about giving space for person considered for expulsion to express his/her view of situation, his/her experience.
What is going on for you right, now ? (ideally, focus listening for feelings and needs, life energies, whatever this person has done, he/she remains human)
What is your understanding of what happened ? After person does initial talk, other may ask clarifying questions about observation / behavior.
How are you impacted by this ? What actions have you taken to deal with this ?
How has talking with the person/group you are upset with gone ? Or On a scale of 1 – 10 (1 is not heard, 10 is really heard) how have you experienced being heard by that person or group ?
Note: I say the questions are optional because I don't know of every situation a house will encounter. I do believe having pre-set questions will be very helpful for keeping the conversation on track, prevent descending into a free for all.
--- Questions for others
What is going on for you after listening ?
*** Exit agreement (optional):
If a proposal to end membership passes.. The former member is not required to do chores or attend house meetings.
It is highly unlikely the expelled person will be out of the house within 24 hours. So, an agreement will be helpful for how to handle the time remaining in house. I recommend forming a committee to work with the expelled member to create an agreement.
This is about creating agreement that helps the member and house end sharing food and housing in the most effective, efficient and compassionate way possible.
The exit agreement may cover things such as stating a leaving date, storing anything at house after leaving, taking any house property, leaving any personal items for house, when deposit or equivalent is returned or not returned or partially returned, etc. Also, I recommend relieving the former member any obligation or expectation to attend house meetings or do chores. It is time to separate, not time to continue fighting.
How does house agree to an exit plan ?
The house could use the regular decision making process to approve an exit plan.
The house could ask exit team to present plan to house, assume it is approved unless there are any objections.
*** If No Exit agreement is reached:
If no exit agreement is made within one month or by date set by house, exit committee cleared to take legal action, informs house of all activities as they happen. The house may change length of time from one month to what house decides.
About legal action: maybe house wants to vote on what legal action to take or can give exit committee an assumed yes, unless house vote no on a decision. At this point the most likely legal action is eviction.
Suing for unpaid rent will likely create more pain and trouble than it is worth, at this point the goal is to get the person to leave, revenge will not help resolve the situation or help the house to move on after the person has left
This is not about what a person is. This is about the person's behavior. This is about recognizing breaking of agreement and or how a person's behavior has become disruptive to the house functioning.
*** EXAMPLES of proposals:
----- Example:
Does continuing to share food/house with Zang work for me, based on words/behaviors listed below ?
breaking leg of dining room table, Friday evening, Sept. 3,
creating hole in wall with fist, Sunday, Sept 15
pushed Jolly into wall, Monday, Sept. 16
throwing a rock thru the dining room window, when arguing with 2 members, Thursday, Sept. 19
refusing to talk with other house members about its impact at a house meeting or small group
*** An expulsion Process:
I hope this inspires ideas for you. Do what works for your group.
This occurs over 2 meetings.
----- First Step:
Proposal is “Does continuing to share food/housing work for me, based on x words/behaviors (list words/behaviors) ?”
How many say yes, undecided, stand aside, no ?
If more than x say “no”, then person’s membership is in question and go to second step
----- Second Step (at next meeting):
Proposal continues “Does continuing to share food/housing work for me, based on x words/behaviors (list words/behaviors) ?”
How many say yes, undecided, stand aside, no ?
If more than x say “no”, then person’s membership is ended
----- Comments:
The reason for occurring over 2 meetings is to give time for those not attending the first meeting to know what is happening and for everyone to pause before making a decision.
I recommend waiting a week, before taking second step.