Sharing Circle
Purpose:
Provide a structure for a group to have a constructive sharing.
Sections:
- Circle roles
- Explanation of roles
- Circle uses
- Things to consider
Circle roles:
Expresser - one person in the middle of the circle
Facilitator(s) – facilitating the process that the focus is doing
Witness - people sit around the circle
Explanation of Roles:
Expresser – person in the middle of circle, person saying what he/she/their is experiencing
Facilitator(s) – facilitates process, only person(s) who may ask Expresser questions or step into circle
Witnessers play as critical a role as facilitators. Humans are interconnected. That is why the Witness presence can positively impact the Expresser. They listen with curiosity and compassion. While they put their thoughts, opinions, reactions aside. So, they can be fully present in the moment to see/hear the person in the middle.
If a Witness finds themselves getting upset or needing to express, Please leave the circle with as little disruption as possible. This is NOT a time for giving advice or comforting or fixing or solving or analyzing or planning.
Circle uses:
--- Self Discovery is asking other to help me discover what is going in myself.
This helps me get clarity and others learn about what is going on in me.
Let the person I the middle have time to be with his/her/experience of being in the middle for 24 hours before asking him/her/they want to hear reactions or thoughts about the sharing. This is about Being With the person in the middle, not an opportunity to give feedback.
--- Discover others experience of me
This helps me discover how people are impacted by my behavior presence
I step into the circle. When I said/did X, what did you experience ? Then I step out of the circle to hear what people share. They step into the circle to share.
If my goal is to contribute to the well being of others and or create policies that work the best for the most people, this can provide useful information.
--- Policy Discovery
The facilitator or I step into the middle of the circle and say what is the policy. Then, people take turns stepping into the middle to say how he/she/they experience that policy. Now, as he/she/they are in the middle of the circle.
--- Situational Discovery
The facilitator or I step into the middle of the circle and says what is the situation. Then, people take turns stepping into the middle to say how he/she/they experience that policy. Now, as he/she/they are in the middle of the circle.
Things to consider:
I suggest the more emotionally intense, the more careful about who is permitted and not permitted to be at the circle.
I suggest the circle be clear about its purpose. Why are people sharing ?
I suggest that the circle let people know its limits.
- we can’t provide professional counseling or support
- we are meeting for x minutes/hour, not until you are happy
- each person has X time to be in the middle of circle
While the Expresser is breathing, he/she is communicating.
There needs to be shared agreement between facilitator and person in the middle about what communication style are they using. Some possibilities are Reflective Listening, Nonviolent Communication, Possibility Management, Peer Counseling, etc. ?
Some people may want the facilitator to not ask them to move in the middle and other may not. I was in a circle that required the person in the middle to move physically. I didn’t feel fully comfortable. It was I constantly being judged if I was moving enough. I like the if I am breathing, I am expressing. Others may want the facilitator monitor that they are moving a little bit or in a particular way.
Some people may want the facilitator to ask questions allot. Others may want the facilitator to wait until they stop talking. Both ways are fine. The facilitator and Expresser having shared agreement is critical.
The Witness role can be effective because sometimes one of the deepest Human desires is to be seen and heard. This is where learning to be in the moment, now,with the person is critical. This is a skill that can be intentionally developed. At bottom of page is ways to develop to be present in the now.
When in the Witness role, I want to feel/experience enough of the person’s experience to understand, bringing heart and mind together. I want to maintain the distinction between me and the other.
If I loose the distinction between me and other, that is sympathy. I am lost in the other person’s experience. So, I can’t step back and witness their experience.
Sympathy is great, when it is time for it. Sometimes I want sympathy. Sympathy is not effective for the Witness role.
When in the Witness role, reacting is not helpful. This is not about you. It is about the person in the middle.
There a difference between how a person expresses what he/she is experiencing ?
The how is the words, behavior, body language.
The what is life energies. Or what we have in common as human beings.
I recommend being aware of language, past and present tense. If people are using present tense, they are likely talking about now. Usually speaking in the present tense is very helpful for seeing a fellow human being, instead of getting lost in concepts. If people are using past tense, they are likely talking about a memory. This shifts the group to a conceptual experience, making connection increasingly difficult and a fight increasingly probable.
I have not worked out every little detail. I leave that to your group to figure out what works for you.
Some ways to develop skill to be a Witness:
Nonviolent Communication, based on writings of Marshall Rosenberg
Byron Katie, The Work
meditation – a form of meditation that is about letting thoughts come and go,
meditation – a form of meditation that is about noticing body sensations
Book – Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Processes that help you shift from they/that make me feel to I feel X about what they said or feel x about that moment
Processes that help you explore shifting from reacting to be in the now.
Processes that help you notice how your feelings/emotions about a past event are changing in the moment while the past remains the same.