Sharing Circle

Purpose:

Provide a structure for a group to have a constructive sharing.

Sections:
- Circle roles
- Explanation of roles
- Circle uses
- Things to consider

Circle roles:

Expresser - one person in the middle of the circle

Facilitator(s) – facilitating the process that the focus is doing

Witness - people sit around the circle

Explanation of Roles:

Expresser – person in the middle of circle, person saying what he/she/their is experiencing

Facilitator(s) – facilitates process, only person(s) who may ask Expresser questions or step into circle

Witness - play as critical a role as facilitators. Humans are interconnected. That is why the Witness presence can positively impact the Expresser. While in the Witness role, the person listens with curiosity and puts aside all reactions, thoughts, opinions. The focus is on what the Expresser is experiencing.

If a Witness finds themselves getting upset or needing to express, Please leave the circle with as little disruption as possible, so you can step out of the Witness role and allow the process to continue. Maybe that person sharing that particular issue was too much for you to stay in the Witness role. That is okay. We are all human, meaning we all have limitations at various moments. Maybe you can return to the circle in another role. Or you leave, so you can go take of yourself. The circle is not forever. It has a beginning time and end time.

Circle uses:

--- Self Discovery is asking other to help me discover what is going in myself.

This helps me get clarity and others learn about what is going on in me.

Let the person I the middle have time to be with his/her/experience of being in the middle for 24 hours before asking him/her/they want to hear reactions or thoughts about the sharing. This is about Being With the person in the middle, not an opportunity to give feedback.

--- Discover others experience of me

This helps me discover how people are impacted by my behavior presence

I step into the circle. When I said/did X, what did you experience ? Then I step out of the circle to hear what people share. They step into the circle to share.

If my goal is to contribute to the well being of others and or create policies that work the best for the most people, this can provide useful information.

--- Policy Discovery

The facilitator or I step into the middle of the circle and say what is the policy. Then, people take turns stepping into the middle to say how he/she/they experience that policy. Now, as he/she/they are in the middle of the circle.

--- Situational Discovery

The facilitator or I step into the middle of the circle and says what is the situation. Then, people take turns stepping into the middle to say how he/she/they experience that policy. Now, as he/she/they are in the middle of the circle.

Things to consider:

I suggest the more emotionally intense, the more careful about who is permitted and not permitted to be at the circle.

I suggest the circle be clear about its purpose. Why are people sharing ?

I suggest that the circle let people know its limits.

- we can’t provide professional counseling or support

- we are meeting for x minutes/hour, not until you are happy

- each person has X time to be in the middle of circle

While the Expresser is breathing, he/she is communicating. Often people believe they need to do something, often callled “helping”. For quieter personalities this can easily be experienced as not being heard or being understand or being manipulated or not being accepted in that moment or being rejected.

For louder and outgoing personalities this may be seen “too sensitive” or “weak”. When you are the Expresser, you can make a different agreement with the Facilitators. Such as, tell me to physically move, if I don’t move enough or ask questions when I am too quiet or something, etc..

There needs to be shared agreement between all people, (Facilitator, Expresser and Witnesses) about what communication style is being used. Some possibilities are Reflective Listening, Nonviolent Communication, Possibility Management, Peer Counseling, Byron Katie – The Work, etc. ?

Some people may want the facilitator to not ask them to move in the middle and other may not. I was in a circle that required the person in the middle to move physically. I didn’t feel fully comfortable. It was like I constantly being judged if I was moving enough. Therefor, I could not experience being seen or heard.

Some people may want the facilitator to ask questions allot. Others may want the facilitator to wait until they stop talking. Both ways are fine. It is critical that the facilitator and Expresser have shared agreement.

The Witness role can be effective because sometimes one of the deepest Human desires is to be seen and heard. This is where learning to be in the moment, in the now, with a person is critical. This is a skill that can be intentionally developed. At bottom of page is ways to develop to be present in the now.

When in the Witness role, I want to feel/experience enough of the person’s experience to understand, bringing heart and mind together. I want to maintain the distinction between me and the other.

If I loose the distinction between me and other, that is sympathy. I am lost in the other person’s experience. I can’t step back and witness their experience. Sometimes I want sympathy Sometimes I don’t. Shared agreement is critical.

When in the Witness role, reacting is not helpful. This is not about you. It is about the person in the middle.

There a difference between how a person expresses what he/she is experiencing ?

The how is the words, behavior, body language.

The what is the message.

Noticing this difference opens to door to creativity, which can really helpful for conflict resolution.

I recommend being in the now. Therefore recommend using present tense when in the circle to maximize odds that something useful can come form the circle, such as discovering an underlying commonality. Even though people are having unique experiences of the same moment.

I ask you to consider, talking in past or future tense takes people in a theoretical direction, which usually leads to unending fights. Everyone one’s memory and imagination is unique. There is no commonality

I have not worked out every little detail. I leave that to your group to figure out what works for you.

Some ways to develop skills for the Witness role:

Meditation – A form of meditation that is about letting thoughts come and go. This helps people shift from reacting to choice. This helps people notice a difference between what is happening and their interpretation of what is happening.

Meditation – A form of meditation that is about noticing body sensations. The helps people shift from immediately becoming overwhelmed to having a moment to notice and choose what do next.

Book – Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

Byron Katie, The Work

Nonviolent Communication, based on writings of Marshall Rosenberg

When NVC is about how to talk and formulas. It often results in breaking relationships.

When NVC is a consciousness, there is a lot of creativity and flexibility on how to use language and silence and non-verbal communication.

For me NVC is not for telling other people how to talk. Or what a feeling is. Or what a need is.

For me NVC is about how I choose to see the world and what am I basing my decisions on. It helps me see a fellow human being while disagreeing with their opinions and or actions. It helps me say “No” or not cooperative with compassion.

Ideas about how to develop skills for the Witness role:

When a communication style becomes more important than the human in front of you. The process will likely hurt your relationships.

Processes that help you shift from they/that make me feel to I feel X about what they said or feel x about that moment

Processes that help you explore shifting from reacting to choosing.

Processes that help you notice how your feelings/emotions about a past event are constantly changing while the past remains the same.